One Year Later...

I have been thinking about this post for a while now.

It has been one year since I started this journey as a stay at home mom. It's hard for me to believe that it has already been one year, but here we are.

Here are some of my thoughts and emotions reflecting back on the past year.

Things I expected:

1. I thought about going back to work on multiple occasions (big surprise, huh?). I feel like I've actually had this thought more often lately. I'm not sure if it's because things are getting a bit busier now as Michael is getting older or what but, though I'm not proud to admit, when things have been tough, I tell Ben I want to go back to work. This is always followed by me feeling bad because I know that I am truly blessed to be able to be at home with them, and it is totally normal to have tough days.

2. I have struggled with my identity, as well as my contribution to my family. Ok, here's the thing, Ben probably tells me on a biweekly basis that I am contributing more than him by raising our kids, and that I have the harder job of the two of us. I know that I have a huge, important responsibility in raising these sweet blessings, but satan does a darn good job of getting in my head and making me feel like I don't do enough. If someone asks me what I do, I actually fumble because I don't know if I should mention that I'm still technically a nurse. As far as my identity, God is reminding me often that my identity is found in Him alone (1 John 3:1-2), and not tied to a profession. I'm human, and some days I need the reminder that regardless of whether or not I go back to work one day, I am secure in Him.

There's my short list of expectations, ha! I guess I was really in for the surprises ;)

Things I did not expect:

1. I worried about not having a plan in place for if/when I would go back to work. I worried about this A LOT! I think this one surprises me because it's only been ONE year! I thought a lot about losing my skills as a nurse the longer I'm out of it. I worried that I might try to go back to work and not have the confidence anymore that I could still do it, or worse, that someone wouldn't want to hire me because I chose to sit out for a while.

2. The huge need for adult interaction. I have joked with Ben before about him coming home from work and I will just talk his ear off because I have been talking mostly to little people all day. I think sometimes it can feel a little lonely so I've tried getting better about doing playdates, as well as time with friends without the kids.

3. The astounding number of days in a row that I can rock my pj's. Oh yes! Confession: I lost count. And for the record, ain't no shame in it, I just try to break the cycle every now and again to surprise my husband when he comes home from work ;)

4. How much fun I've had crunching numbers and actually staying within our budget. It has become almost like a game for me (say what??) This one was certainly unexpected. I was worried about the finances when I quit my job, but now I actually enjoy scoping out the deals, and tapping into my inner frugal side, and making things work.

Overall...what a fantastic year it has been, really. If there is one thing I know...it is that God has me right where He wants me. Every time I consider going back to work, He reminds me that I am right where I need to be right now...at home with these two little ones :)

And that peace is unquestionable.

Happy Friday friends!

Lindsey